Give Me Something to Depend On
by cerealxkiller
Summary: This is the story of Lily Evans. Before she was Lily Potter and the mother of the Boy Who Lived. This is the story that dreams are made of.
1. Head Girl

_Disclaimer: I do not 'own' any of the wonderful world that J.K. Rowling has created. I could never hope to reach her level of imagination and brilliance. Instead I write stories about what should have happened or what I imagined did. So this is my story._

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This is the 100 true, no bull-shit (excuse my French) recollection of what happened in my 7th year at Hogwarts Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am the footnote in history, the mother of the Boy Who Lived. I am the wife of the infamous Seeker James Potter. But before any of this, I was just Lily Evans; the stubborn, sometimes socially retarded, muggle-born witch whose eventual downfall was caused by none other than Peter Pettigrew. Also in my last year at Hogwarts I was Head Girl, paired up with the boy who drove me simply up a wall while I occupied the same space as him.

For six years I was tormented by a tousle-haired boy, and now I was expected to share a joined bathroom with him for months on end? I think not. Well let's start from the beginning. Or nobody will know exactly what I am talking about.

Towards the end of the summer when everybody is secretly really excited for that piece of parchment to come in the mail , I was spending hours with an especially heinous breed of pompous male. Just for simplicity let us call this sad excuse for a man, Vernon. Now my rather horse-faced sister Petunia was sitting upon the lap of Vernon. And as I was trying with all my might to suppress the vomit that was creeping up my throat I looked out the window and saw a tawny owl making its way to the house. As much as I would love to let the owl in and scare Vernon shitless, I refrained and met it outside. Accepting the rather bulky envelope I shooed the owl off the overhang and walking quietly inside. My hands were shaking as I remember and upon opening the envelope a shiny badge fell out onto the floor. I could hardly believe it? Head Girl? My hands were now uncontrollably shaking; I skimmed over the letter telling me of my duties. I just had a continuous phrase running through my head.

_Head Girl. You Lily. Head Girl._ And so the strange chant went.

"What is that you have there Lily-kins?" Petunia cooed.

"Umm…Nothing, I'm just going to be upstairs. I'll see you later." I dismissed my sister and made my way up to my room.

_Head Girl. You Lily._

Throwing myself on my bed I stared at the badge and turned it over and over in my hands. It wasn't like I wasn't qualified; I just had some control issues and little tolerance for misconduct. As the endorphins rushed through my veins I actually read the letter involving where I would sleep and such.

_As Head Girl you are to sleep in the separate quarters for the Head Students. The girl dormitories will be to the left, although Head Boy and Girl share a bathroom. Head Boy and Girl will also share duties such as administering detentions and… _

A knocking at the window tore me away from the letter. Another owl? Opening the window and letting the creature in I took the parchment from its leg. Quickly I unfurled it and read over it. Clearly the author had written it in a hurry, but I did not recognize the writing.

_Hey Lily! Guess what? I got Head Boy! I know right, James Potter Head Boy?_

My heart sank and I stopped reading right there. James Potter, Head Boy? Folding the letter and stuffing it under my pillow I turned to the owl. It stared at me expectantly and I quickly scribbled a note on it.

_Congratulations James. I guess I'll see you in the Prefect car._

Without thinking I pulled my wand out from my suitcase and cleaned up my room. Now that I was of age, I used magic for tasks that I normally would have done out by hand.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, now you must be wondering. Now who is this intriguing fellow by the name of James Potter? I will tell you. Potter was the boy who my first day of any wizarding community turned my hair purple and that was when it started. There became a ritual that at the beginning of every year I would be hexed or charmed of some kind. Most of the time it was harmless but infuriating nonetheless. However, in my 5th year the proclamations of undying love began. At first I thought it was just some sort of terribly embarrassing joke that Potter was playing on me. But then it got old, actually for me it got old quite quickly but everybody else seemed to enjoy it. I shrugged off the rose colored pixies and numerous other charms for the first couple of weeks, but then it got slightly more serious. James would corner me in the hallways and demand that I went with him to Hogsmeade. Sometimes it was quite frightening, but other times it was just embarrassing. And so this act continued for months and then the months turned into years. It really was not acceptable; however I did become relatively stealthy and cunning to the ways of Potter.

And so as one could imagine, hearing that I would have to sometimes spend hours with this boy was unbelievable. Packing, I realized it was a short couple of days until I would be riding that scarlet train to Hogwarts. And reader, you must realize I am not some unbecoming witch that would be lucky to land a ghoul as a husband. No, I am an actually relatively attractive young lady without being pig headed.

A day later I set off to Diagon Alley and began my shopping. This would also be an event to remember.


	2. My Poker Face

_Thanks tm7 for the review!_

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After a rather stressful ride on the Knight Bus, I stepped off into Diagon Alley. I had planned to meet up with a couple of my friends and shop together. However before my perfectly foolproof plan could go into action, something went wrong. Carelessly, like the fool that I was, I walked out into the open without looking both ways on the street. Nay, Reader I was not looking for cars or any sort automobile that could run me over, but a certain group of friends who had a habit of tormenting me. And so, I walked out caught unawares when I heard a call.

"Lily!" Turning to the voice I saw my dear friends waving me over to Professor Scumbottom's Simple Marvelous Treats. (It was a popular ice cream parlor at the time) Shortly after I heard the doomed voice, the voice which would forever turn my life upside down and muddle my world.

"Evans?" The deep voice asked from my left. Cringing, I turned and saw what I had spent the majority of my summer avoiding. James Potter. Glancing at him quickly in his muggle garb, I turned on my heel to my friends. As my pace quickened I heard the sound of sneakers hitting cobblestone.

"Evans!" A hand was placed on my shoulder and Potter whirled me around. Unfortunately it seemed that Potter had grown even more attractive over the summer, a trail of freckles dotted his nose and his shoulders were becoming less boney. And if even possible, he had gotten even taller.

"Yes Potter?" I asked in what I hoped was an exasperated tone.

"Well, I was wondering if you would like to accompany Remus, Sirius, Peter and of course…Me, during the school shopping?" As his hopeful face peered at me through his round spectacles I weakened, for a moment. But before I could answer, my companions snuck up behind me.

"Lily would love to accompany you James." Emily cooed and batted her eyes at Sirius. Oh God. As much as I loved her, Emily had a tendency to throw herself at men. Actually men would be a loosely used term. More like an arrogant pig that had good hair, in other words, Sirius Black.

"Splendid." Potter replied before I could get a word in edge-wise. "Now I was thinking about starting off in Zonko's and making our way over to Flourish and Blotts. How does that sound?"

Realizing my only options were either suffering the day with Potter or suffering it by myself, I submitted. "It sounds fine." I replied weakly refusing to meet anybody in the eye.

Soon enough our little party, held captive or otherwise, was on our way. And after itching to get out of the joke shops, Quidditch shops and of course more joke shops, we finally made it to the actual school shops.

"Actually, this is when Peter and I have to leave." Remus piped up and snatched Peters arm. "We are going to test out those dung bombs on Snape over there."

Sirius nodded approvingly as if to say that the two least likely members of the Marauders were finally making some of their own mischief.

And without a delay, Emily pressed herself against Sirius and lured him into a corner whispering things in his ear. Disgusted I turned away to find myself facing Potters chest.

"Well I guess it's just you and me Evans." Evidently pleased with the turn of events, Potter grabbed my wrist and we entered the bookstore.

Ever since I entered Hogwarts the smell of parchment and ink relaxed me and caused me to forget the problems that plagued me in the halls. My shoulders visibly relaxing, Potter took this opportunity to step closer to me and release my wrist.

"Let us go over here." He suggested and pointed to a bookshelf in a darker area of the store. Once again seizing my arm, Potter dragged me over and pretended to be interested in books.

"Well, Evans. Since you brought us over here, I need to tell you something." Bringing me farther into the dark reaches of Flourish and Blotts I quite quickly realized I was out of view and out of mind of the clerk.

Nervously Potter ran his hand through his ebony locks, and took a deep breath. "Ok here it is Evans. I'm gonna lay all my cards on the table. No jokes, embarrassment or harassment." Taking another deep breath to calm himself he continued "I actually like you Evans. I will be honest, at first it was a joke. But once I learned your habits I actually genuinely came to like you. I-I…" And this is where he faltered.

And now Reader I must tell you how I was reacting. I was not as calm faced and stoic as I may have hoped. My eyes in fact were widening and my hands nervously found outlets. My right hand twisted my red locks and my left wiped a sweaty palm on my jeans. I was shaking again, but why? I thought I had nothing but detest for James Potter. Maybe I was afraid for him to act out and do something rash. Really, the answer was buried too deep inside me to realize it at that moment. Taking his hesitation as an entry, I jumped in, sort of.

"James, I uh…Well. I don't completely hate you." I said quickly and quietly focusing on some point above his shoulder trying to avoid his intense gaze.

"Oh." Even from my tactics I could see that his was crestfallen, the maternal instincts in me coming out I reached for him but he flinched like my hand was a venomous snake. "Evans, I think you should forget this conversation." He mumbled and turned.

_Oh God. What had I done? This boy…Man now had a hurt ego. How could you do this Lily? Really how blunt and unfeeling could you possibly be?_


	3. Strange Quacks and Voice Cracks

I know what you are asking Reader, did Lily go after James and proclaim her undying love for him as he done for her? In the short, no. I actually was rooted to the spot for a good ten minutes. I only moved when Emily came in angrily searching for me and upon finding me started whispering infuriated that I had ruined her moment with Sirius. Apparently right after Potter left, he found Black and ripped him away from Emily. Immediately she knew what had happened and had to know _why._

"He told me that he liked me Emily. Honest to God admiration. He wasn't bragging or boasting or being arrogant. Ja-Potter was being relatively sweet…" As soon as the words left my mouth they turned sour and the annoyed face of Emily turned mocking and amused.

"Sweet? I thought I'd never heard those words from Lily-Always-Right-Evans." I guess my face was a mix of hurt and angered because she quickly corrected herself. "Of course I'm kidding _Lily-kins_." After Emily had heard Petunia's pet name for me she hadn't let it go. Four years later. But whatever, I'm over that now.

"I just said he was sweet then. But obviously he is not so sweet in front of those Marauder friends of his." Rolling our eyes in unison, we giggled and made our way out of the shop.

"Well, at least now I may have gotten James out of my life for good." I remarked thoughtfully. Ironically, those words were so incredibly wrong. After a couple more of Potter-free days of shopping and relaxing with friends I finally boarded the Hogwarts Express.

Pinning my recently polished Head Girl badge on the breast pocket of my Gryffindor robes, I took a deep breath and stepped onto the train. I had already secured a car early on and had only stepped off to gather some first years and to comfort some teary eyed parents. My first stop on the train however was to meet with the Prefects and…James. Soothing my jittery nerves, I calmly entered the car surprised to see Potter already there.

"Oh, hello Lily." He greeted me darkly and returned to his paper.

Surprised to hear my name, I decided to give it a try. "Hello James. Do you have anything planned for the Prefects?"

"Actually, I wrote this up." Handing me the piece of parchment, James stared at me expectantly.

Reviewing it quickly I looked up and smiled at James and gave him the paper back. "James, I mean Potter. I want to talk about what happened the other day…"

However, once again our conversation was cut short by the Prefects arriving which quickly shut me up and take control of the situation.

"Please, divide yourselves by house." I ordered feeling relatively useless as James had created the speech. After the quick briefing on what happens with the Prefects, what you had to avoid and what you had to do we all returned to our separate cars. And for the first time in history, the Marauders did not enter my car.

The first weeks flew by, between the excitement of the new responsibilities of Head Girl and catching up on homework I had little time to think about James. But one day at the owlery, it all came rushing back.

With the added pressures, I had become a nervous wreck. Short on sleep and even more so on time, the slightest things ticked me off and the house points were starting to reflect that. Anybody who looked at me wrong in the hallways got 10 points away from their house automatically. So one day in the owlery, I noticed that it was looking a little gross. Actually, it smelt disgusting and one could have sworn that the walls had been painted white. Using a simple cleaning charm, on one of the walls that had worked fine I become overzealous and started shooting charms left and right. Until I heard a high pitched scream, which I realized was an owl.

The owl in fact had been completely stripped of all its feathers. Looking rather like an angry plucked chicken, it squawked and tried to fly. At first I giggled and then the tears started to come down. The irony hit me right away, at first I succeeded and then after a couple of more times something horrible happened. Leaning against one of the walls which had been cleaned I slunk to the floor and sobbed. Hearing the owl hop down the steps, I caught "Bloody hell." Quickly wiping my eyes I stood up and hoped I wasn't the blubbery mess I sure I was.

"Evans?" Oh, God. Potter. I mean honestly, Potter. No doubt coming back from some sort of ridiculous team practice he was still in the Quidditch garb.

"Oh, hello James." My voice was cracking like a 12 year old boy.


	4. Banshees and Weak Knees

Wiping my cheeks again, I had stood a bit straighter and this time looked Potter in the eyes.

"Evans…" His voice softened and his eyes searched my body "Did somebody attack you, or hurt you?"

"Of course not Potter," And as soon as the words left my mouth, my face crumpled and the tears started all over again. "It's just that…" Sobbing I continued "Everything I try to do outside of school work I fail miserably at." Holding my head in my hands, I completely let go of any inhibition. Big hot tears rolled down my face and splattered on the floor.

"Oh that isn't true Lily…" James mumbled, and crouching down he patted my back and then resolved to petting my hair in an attempt to sooth me. Helping me up, I looked him in the eye.

"Yes it is James." I started to tick everything off on my fingers "My sister is getting married before me and well…You James." Giving him a defeated look I surprised myself by getting closer to him. "I ruined anything we could have had, even friendship."

The waterworks starting again, I became enveloped in Potters arms and pressed up against him. I guess I just needed something to hold on to.

You must understand Reader, these were troubled times. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was on the rise and muggles were being attacked especially cruelly. And the families who had students in some sort of wizarding academy were attacked first. But so far, nothing had happened to the Evans Family, thank God. I was expected an owl to come any day now telling me of the death of my family. And after the death of my family, I would be targeted. For all I know, the Death Eaters could be on their way to Hogwarts whilst I slept.

And so James and I stood, I was unburdening on James and he just listened. But soon I became over heated and I told him so. "I think I ought to go. But thank you James, for everything." As I had turned to leave, I heard his baritone whisper behind me "You haven't ruined anything Lily…Actually a certain girl might have a chance with the most eligible bachelor in Hogwarts."

"As if you could find one."

"Aw, now who needs affection when I've got blind hatred?" James teased and tied the parchment to his owl's leg. And this is where it finally gets interesting, this is the moment Reader when I took control of my destiny and broke away from the known. I ran blindly into the unknown, the unknown went by the alias James Potter.

Turning I found Potter two feet away from me staring at me expectantly, he knew what I was going to do. Before I knew it, I was pressed up against him again. On my tip-toes I still was unable to reach him.

"A little help James."

"For ever what?"

"You know perfectly well what Potter." I replied my temper flaring.

"I'm afraid I don't."

"Well then," I declared "I guess you'll never know." Turning away, I huffed down the steps and as soon as I reached the ground I found myself being whisked backwards and found Potter crashing down on my lips. To be honest, I was expecting it but not this violently. Getting pushed back a bit, his hand steadied my back. My lips were tingling and as we parted I felt them. So this is what passion felt like.

With a smirk on my face I whispered "Well Potter. I don't completely hate you."

"Well, I guess would be the time to tell you Lily. I have a girlfriend."

Ripping myself away from his warmth I glared at him.

"You have a girlfriend?" I screeched yelling at him like some sort of banshee on speed. "What the HELL Potter?! You are in a relationship?Ahh!"

"But Lily…" His face was hurt, but I no longer cared. In the reaches of my mind I remembered that he had gotten together with some blonde but I had forgotten it five minutes ago.

"But nothing Potter." My face was flushed and my voice was shaking, from anger, betrayal or passion I could never be sure. And that was when I turned and ran, and for the second time, Potter didn't follow me.

"Oh shit." I muttered once I entered the building and once again broke out into tears, we shared the same bathroom. Essentially we shared the same apartment. Upon opening the door of my room I locked it and threw myself on the scarlet bed. Screaming on the top of my lungs out of pure frustration I then laid down and cried myself to sleep. Once or twice I swore that I heard my doorknob jiggle and a curse and the footsteps left.

Had I finally rid myself of James Potter? Hardly.


	5. If Looks Could Kill

_Sorry for the **long** delay in writing. But I'll try to get a couple of chapters out more quickly. I hope you are all enjoying the story, and I would really appreciate it if you told me what you thought. Good or bad. Hey I know I'm not perfect._

_**-x-**_

The morning after, I opened my eyes and smiled. Would today be a good day? Possibly, trying to remember why I fell asleep in my robes the memories from the day before flooded into my head. Taking a couple of deep breaths I relaxed and composed myself and stood up. Finding a new pair of robes and clean clothes I opened the bathroom and locked every door. I couldn't have the possibility of Potter disturbing me in my shower. After stepping into the streaming water I finally let my shoulders relax and sag a bit. Feeling the soft skin under my eyes I could tell that I was stressed. I had a right to be; I had just thrown myself at a boy, and then was relatively denied. Actually, I wasn't denied I just couldn't handle the situation. As usual.

Remember Reader when I told you about my social retardation? Well here it is. After getting changed and making my way down to the Great Hall, I grabbed a seat isolated from everybody else and started to chow down. Surprisingly my stress had added to my appetite and I shoveled the food into my mouth. I had only been there for about ten minutes and quite quickly I was surrounded by some certain individuals. On each side of me was a Marauder. To my right was Remus, to my left Peter, and across from me an extremely annoyed Sirius.

"How can I help you gentlemen?" I asked coldly staring at Black who was apparently trying to kill me with his glare.

"Well firstly I would like to know what the hell you did with Prongs?" He asked me angrily.

Reader, I must tell you, I was quite surprised by this. I had any effect on James? Huh. This could be useful. "I'm not quite sure I understand…" I replied slowly, I had to play it smoothly.

Before I knew it, Sirius was up on the table two inches from my face. "You know damn well Evans!" After Remus had calmed the boy down, Sirius whispered. "All he's been doing is sulking around. He didn't go to his dorm last night," Making a face he continued "He slept in my bed. He's been finding fire whiskey all around and drinking the bottles dry. And what I want to know is why? He never gets this upset over school or anything else. Quidditch hasn't started so it has to be you, what did you do? Oh, and Evans?"

I looked at him. "If you don't tell me truthfully I'll make your life a living hell."

Not doubting his abilities, I decided to spill. Please don't judge me reader, it was a weak moment I was tired and I just wanted them out of my face.

"O.k. Listen up because I'm only going to say this once. Yesterday in the owlery, James and I were alone. I was having a difficult time, I was really stressed out and I needed some help. James comforted me and well…We kissed." Ignoring their wide-eyed stares, I pressed on "Then he told me he had a girlfriend…Anyways, I walked away and I left him there."

Taking a deep breath I dared to look up. Their faces were priceless. A mix of awe and disgust, Sirius and Peter had an open jaw and Remus just looked amused beyond belief.

"Are you serious?" Remus finally managed, not able to hide his smirk. I could see it written across their faces. _Way to go James_.

"Of course I'm serious." I snapped, I really didn't want to start my day off like this. It was hard enough trying to get it figured out in my head, let alone with the Marauders in on the tragedy.

"Well then Miss Evans. I think I can give you some advice." Remus answered and started to turn and look at the blonde across the room. "I think you better tell Brooke before someone else does."

Oh god.


	6. Arrogant Little Toad

So Reader, I bet you are wondering what I did after Remus told me to confess to James's girlfriend. And I can tell you, although I regret it now, I did nothing. Instead I stood up and huffed off, not before grabbing some pieces of toast and stuffing them into my pockets. Honestly I was tangled in my own thoughts and barely noticed any of the students staring at me and no doubt wondering why I looked so distraught. I plowed through the crowds of scarlet and gold until I reached my location. Frowning at the fat lady I racked through my brain for the password. Stopping one of the first years I told her quietly "Open the porthole for me, it is important Head Girl business." The small girl just nodded at me and whispered the password. Staring at me disapprovingly, the fat lady swung open and I crawled into the common room like I had done for the last six years.

So Reader, you ask Miss Evans what are you doing here? You do not sleep here, and you are not visiting friends. _Gasp_ Are you seeing James? Wretched James? James-bleeding-Potter?

Yes Reader, I am going to visit James. James as predicted was amusing several sixth years with his wit and Quidditch stories. These students were all very attractive girls, and I feeling some jealousy and rage bubbling up in me, called over to James.

"James, should you really be around with girls with your _condition_?" My troubled tone caught the attention of the girls.

A particularly shaken up girl took my bait "What condition?"

"Oh, James didn't tell you?" Suppressing a grin I continued "James is a leper, he doesn't like to tell people, but it is quite contagious."

"A leper?" The girl choked and immediately the girls muttered "I think I'll see you later James…"

Waiting for the girls to leave, I took a seat next to James. "Thanks for that Lily, but anyways it is clear that you can't keep you hands off of me." Potter grinned, and at this point there were some scenarios running through my head.

**Scenario 1:**

I hit James over the head with a brick. I do not know where I acquired this brick, or why I would carry a brick in my pocket. However, there are no consequences for my action, and in the end I feel rather proud of myself.

**Scenario 2:**

I come up with some witty come back, something that would really sting him. Preferably something about Brooke cheating on him or him not being able to keep his hands off of me.

**Scenario 3:**

James disappears, I am not held responsible and I get a better partner for Head student. This would make my life so much easier.

However, as you could have guessed, none of these take place and I am stuck looking like a ripe strawberry.

"I am only joking Evans. Anyways, did you need a reminder of what happened yesterday?" If possible, my face became redder at that moment and in a fit of rage I stood up and screamed at him.

"YOU ARROGANT BASTARD! I DON'T KNOW WHY I EVEN CAME OVER HERE, YOU CAN BET YOUR QUIDDITCH STICK THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU OTHER THAN RAGE!"

Oh how wrong that little outburst was.

As quickly as possibly I ran out of there muttering phrases like "Bloody little toad." And other flattering things. Hearing the familiar sound of sneaker rubber slamming on the floor behind me I just quickened my pace. Quite quickly Potter was in front of me. Before he could talk I spoke quickly.

"I won't talk to you here. First you must talk to Brooke, tell her everything. Then meet me in my bedroom."


	7. A Thin Line

Rather proud of myself for handling the situation most professionally, except for that little outburst in the common room, I awaited James' arrival in my room. First I sat on the bed, but finding the squeaking somewhat annoying I got off and paced around the room, leaning on various objects and at one point I threw knuts out of my window. This was taking longer than expected. Where was the man?

Glancing at myself in the mirror I remember thinking that I looked rather stressed. I shouldn't be stressed though, it was just Potter. The boy who made my life more or less a living hell for the past six years. Ok Reader, I may be acting a tad melodramatic, but isn't what those hormones are for anyways? What fun is being a teenager if you can't throw a temper tantrum at nothing in particular every once in a while. Anyways, I digress. Soon my thoughts returned to Potter after a while, what _was _he doing with Brooke for so long? I was becoming more stressed out quite quickly, running my hand through my tresses I remembered it had been a while since my last shower. At least a day and a half, now as good as time as any I jumped in the shower. Of course I didn't literally jump in the shower, which would be a death wish; I carefully stepped in and attempted to sooth my jittering nerves.

Drying and redressing, now in my day clothes I once again waited for James. The scent of my shampoo filled the room and after a while I got a headache from the over powering smell, leaving and stepping into the common living space I was surprised to see James sitting in the chair staring into a vacant fireplace. He looked depressed, my maternal instincts once again returning I wished more than anything to give him a hug. However, I refrained.

"Um, James? Are you okay?" I asked quietly and walked towards him.

"Oh yes, of course." Standing up, I was once again stuck by how tall and handsome James really was. But as soon as my words sunk in he grinned "Did you just call me James? Wasn't it just a couple of minutes ago you called me an arrogant toad?"

He got me. Immediately I became flustered and looked at the floor, out the window, anywhere but James' twinkling eyes. "Shut it Potter. Anyways, did you talk to Brooke?" Finally daring to look into his eyes I saw his face fall.

"Yeah." Running his hands through his hair he looked at me "The conversation itself took little over three minutes. I told her what happened, she freaked out and hexed me. I spent the rest of the time in the hospital wing trying to cure the green acne that had sprouted on my face."

Now don't judge too harshly Reader, this is where I laughed at the love of my life, I laughed at his misfortune. It was worth it, it was quite funny. "Oh, I'm sorry James…" Nearly collapsing into giggles again I composed myself, "It's just…" Damn, another snicker escaped my lips. "Really amusing." I finished, with a major struggle.

Scowling James sighed and then cracked a grin, "I guess it was fairly amusing." And then looking at me, apparently I was still laughing. "Ok that's enough."

"So I take it that you two are done? Am I really the man-eater that Brooke thinks I am?" I ask, this could be a social suicide. Lily 'Man-Eater' Evans, I could see it now, kicked out from the Ministry of Magic for unprofessional conduct. Horrified at the very idea, I tried to rid these thoughts from my head and focus on his answer.

"Well, technically since we have never gone out on a date. You crying in the owlery is not a date. So no Lily, you are not a man-eater. Happy?"

"Very, now what do we do now? I mean I don't _completely_ detest you, I mean there could be room for something a little bit more."

"Evans, do you want to know what I heard?" James stepped closer to me, my face was already flushing I could feel it. "I heard that there is a very thin line between love and hate."

Please, where did he come up with this? Bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. Contrary to my thoughts, I said this "Oh, um, James. That's very _interesting._" Taking a step back, I distancing myself from the boy who would tear my world apart.

He just stepped closer. "I think it is very interesting. And I think you crossed that line just yesterday, when you practically begged for a kiss."

"Oh please James, I did not beg. Lily Evans does not beg. Begging is for the weak." I said defiantly and stared him in the eye, which was pretty difficult at the angle, at my back was the bookcase and in front of me was Potter.

A telltale squeak fell upon my ears, was that a mouse? It seems rather ironic that although I was afraid of a mouse, which is a fraction of my size, I was not afraid of Potter who was quite bigger than me. Immediately my body stiffened and I looked for the noise, there was the devil near the fireplace.

"What Evans, are you afraid of mice?" James grin widened and took an evil gleam. "You can't tell me that brave strong Lily Evans is afraid of just a little rodent? Well I guess you'll just have to get over your fear right here, right now."

"Oh no James you wouldn't dare." I said my voice was shaking and my eyes did not leave the mouse.

"Accio Mouse." He said easily and the little fiend landed in his outstretched palm. Holding it up by its tail, he dangled it in front of my face.

Quite simply, I was cornered, my only choice was attack. Muttering a curse under my breath James became rigid and immobile. This relaxed me quite a bit. Taking several deep breaths I walked towards the door and then and only then I whispered the counter curse.

"Evans!" James roared and I sprinted out, I had classes to go to, I was Head Girl. But first I need somewhere to hide and to figure out my feelings. Somewhere to hide and to figure out my feelings. Somewhere to hide and to figure out my feelings. Seemingly out of nowhere a door appeared. This door as good as any, opening it I found a cavernous room with a full length mirror against the wall.


	8. Desires

_Thank you checkerboxed for the story idea, and for permission to allow me to use it!_

_Oh and just a reminder, I do not own anything that JK Rowing does. If I did I would live in a castle, however I do not. Major bummer._

_**-x-**_

I remember thinking it was rather dark, and as soon as the thought passed through my mind, torches came from nowhere and brightened the room. Looking at the walls, they appeared to be the same stone that the rest of the castle was made up of, but they looked older. A comfy purple chair sat in the corner overlooking the grounds, peering out the window for a moment I turned my attention to the mirror.

It was quite an interesting mirror as I remember. A tarnished frame surrounded the dusty glass, the frame was an intricate pattern of leaves and vines. Some foreign language was weaved into the vegetation of the frame. _Erised_ was at the top and attempting to get my reflection I started to wipe the dust off the glass.

Now Reader as you may recall, the Mirror of Erised was the very same mirror that little Harry peered into and saw James and I waving to him along with my relatives and James'. However, I saw something very different, now I exaggerate when I say 'very different' it was just different for me.

Erised, that's certainly an odd word I remember thinking to myself. Recalling the word puzzles in the Sunday muggle paper, where the scrambled letters from a word formed a new one. Just as I was about to think about it and solve the conundrum, I caught my reflection in the glass.

The mirror showed me, clearly a couple of years older, and by a couple I realized it was probably more like my late 20's. Ripping my gaze from myself, I saw an arm wrapped about my waist, following the arm I saw the familiar form of Mister James Potter. Oh no, what kind of mirror was this? After doubling checking, I deducted that this wasn't actually the James in the mirror behind me. As I looked closer, James was older as well and had really just gotten bigger shoulders. And down at my knee, a small Potter was clutching my leg. He had a mass of black locks just like, what I presumed to be, his father. His green eyes, a dead ringer for mine, bore into the teenager version of me.

How could this be? Was this some sort of alternate reality? Some other world, I barely had scraped the top of the wizarding world, maybe this was common. But deep down, I knew that this was not common. It was just like staring into a photo of me and James ten years into the future. And then without warning, the older James planted a kiss on MY lips. And by mine, I mean the mirror Lily. And mirror Lily smiled! What was this heinous world that I had seen?

Focusing on what could be solved I turned my attentions back to Erised; first I tried descrambling the words. Nothing. Maybe it was simpler than that, reversing the letters I gasped. The phrase read:

_The Mirror of Desire_

Barely hearing the door open behind me, and if I did I paid no mind to it. And the silent footsteps behind me bothered me not in the least. Only when Potter placed his hands on my eyes and whispered, "Guess who?" I realized I wasn't alone. What if he saw what I saw? That would be terrible, absolutely terrible.

"Potter, if you don't release me in five seconds, my wand will be venturing to a place where it will most definitely cause you pain." Not surprisingly the hands were taken back to their owner in a split second. "Thank you." Attempting to block the mirror, which failed, I put on a fake smile and nodded. "So you found me."

"Of course I did Evans, you are no where as near sneaky as you…" Potter trailed off and noticed that I was blocking something. "Hey Evans, whacha hiding?"

"Nothing Potter, go away." I said angrily and put my hands on my hips and blocked his path.

"Yeah right Evans." Suddenly I found myself lifted and pushed away, and when I attempted to push him out of the way I found my body being single-handedly blocked. "Lily what is this?" Potters voice had dropped an octave and he was looking desperately into the mirror as if when he looked away the image would disappear.

Smirking I realized I had James right where I needed him. "What do you see Potter?"

Slowly James turned to me and smiled and stepped towards me "Well I could show you…"

"No, I don't think so. Just tell me. Please James?" I pleaded; I really wanted to know what he saw. Sure it was a little perverse, but I wanted to see if his feelings were true.

"Well I see you and me. I'm on one knee, and for some reason I'm holding a little grey…BLOODY HELL AM I PROPOSING?!" James exclaimed and looked closer at the mirror.

The breath caught in my throat, his intentions were true. "James." I said quietly. "The Mirror of Erised means the Mirror of Desire. The reflection shows the deepest desire of the looker. My reflection showed us together. And there was a child hugging my knee."

Immediately as the words left my lips, James stopped looking at the reflection and turned towards me. "Is that true Lily?"

Numbly I nodded, James was still close to me and it was becoming harder and harder for me.

"Then I think we only have one option."


	9. Rabies and Rape

_Thanks all for reading! Oh and thank you ambie176 about the whole Prongs thing. I wouldn't have noticed it without your help!_

_Oh and I don't 'own' Harry Potter unlike JK Rowling. Stay cool kids._

_**-x-**_

James had taken a rather tone, and I was not a big fan of it. I enjoyed James more when he was happy and charming, a rather stark contrast to my rule abidingness. And yes Reader, I admit that Potter was charming. Who wouldn't think so? Anyways, on with my little story…

Once again, like I do always under pressure or any situation that makes me the least bit uncomfortable, I started to shake. Not like the palsy shaking, but more like after a particularly tiring work out and your hands shake slightly.

"What is our option?" I ask, my voice shakes as well revealing my fear of his answer. Oh god, what if he said something completely wrong? Or he said we should kiss? I can't kiss him, not here right now; there is nothing to rest on! Only stone and that is not acceptable for Miss Lily Evans. Except for that one chair, that holds one person. Mulling it over in my thoughts I realized that the chair could be used for any kissing sessions that would take place. And all these thoughts flew through my mind in the span of about ten seconds.

"Our option dearest Lily," Here James grinned and touched my jaw line, running his forefinger down causing shivers to run through my entire body. "Is to think this over during the day, and meet back here right after dinner. A full stomach and no stress for classes will give us our clearest thoughts." His hand dropped to his side much to my disappointment.

My ration thoughts taking over I nodded in agreement "That sounds good James; I think it will be best. Can we meet outside, perhaps next to the lake?" Not waiting for an answer, let us be honest, do I ever wait for an answer? Rarely would be the correct one.

Now it was James' turn to nod. "Good thinking…" His brows contracting in thought, James turned and then walked out the door. "I'll see you after dinner…"

"Ok…" I replied softly and turned to the mirror and now saw a more frightening scene. James and I clearly younger and doing some things which would violate the teen rating that I prefer to keep my life at.

Checking my wrist watch I saw that my next class was in ten minutes. After getting my bag from the common room and running through the halls, I made it, barely. Slughorn merely raised a brow, and James smirked. Rolling my eyes, I sat in the back of the class as it was the only open seat. Unfortunately I was paired up with a very confused Andrew Jordan. Between my potion skills and Jordan's lack of them, we got a half way decent potion. It was supposed to be completely translucent and have a purple mist. Our potion was light blue and the mist was purple but smelled as if something was rotting. It was not that great of an experience.

Other than that the day passed rather uneventfully. I either stared at James or he stared at me for the day. In charms, Emily kept jabbing me in the ribs to keep my attention. Of course she saw the direction of my gaze and then smiled as if to say _I told you so._ Sticking out my tongue at her, I vowed to pay attention to the class. Until my eyes once again drifted to Potter, and I received another jab from Emily. There was no doubt in my mind that in the morning I would discover several bruises on my ribs. And I did, my god that girl jabs hard.

Before I knew it, the day was over and I was talking to Emily and Scarlet in a rather bored tone. Emily evidently noticing my glazed over eyes whispered and once again jabbed me in the ribs. Ouch, need I say more?

"Go do what you've been planning on the entire day." Rolling her eyes she pointed at James who saw the finger pointed in his direction in my direction. As I felt the heat rise to my face I nodded and stood up.

Heading to some poplars which made a circle next to the lake, the ten trees allowed only the moonlight in and soft waves from the lake. Sitting down and leaning against a tree, I muttered _Lumos_ as I had heard some footsteps. Ok, maybe meeting outside after hours was not the smartest move for Lily Evans. There were wild animals, and centaurs that did not have a big patience for humans. Into the clearing of the poplars, a deer walked in. The deer was clearly male, as shown by its monstrous antlers protruding from his head. Almost every day of my muggle life I was told that wild animals are dangerous. They carry ticks, and more dangerous, rabies. Not too pleased at the idea of getting rabies, I stood up and pointed my wand at the beast.

The animal just walked closer and closer, seemingly not afraid of the human who possessed magic. Of course the stag probably did not have the brain capacity to realize that the stick that I held in my hand could kill it. Suddenly stopping about ten feet away from me, the stag stared at me. And I mean stared as if to say _Who's the dumb animal now?_

Then it turned into a human, please don't judge me it was quite frightening, I shrieked. Not a feminine gasp, I screamed on the top of my lungs. What if this man tried to kill me or worse yet rape me? Panicking I said quickly and loudly.

"You better not try anything, because I'm meeting somebody here!" My voice cracked and squeaked, wow that was intimidating. But I recognized the lanky figure, the one whom I had been pining after all day.

"Potter?" I squeaked. Stop laughing; I still wasn't over my original scare. He grinned and walked towards me.

"I didn't know that you were so scared of me Lily."


End file.
